Baby Evan

I have wonderful news to share with all of you! Marla and Catalin’s baby was born this morning via c-section with no complications for mommy or baby boy. Evan was born weighing 3 pounds 5 ounces and will most likely spend several weeks in the NICU. Everyone is very encouraged as he was able to take his first feeding from a bottle with no trouble. Praise God!

Thanks to everyone who has been praying for our dear friends. Please keep them in your prayers as baby Evan and his mommy and daddy have a long few weeks ahead of them. Join with me in praising our heavenly Father for his constant care and provision over us – his children, for new life, for doctors who provide such excellent treatment, and for the fellowship and community that comes with circling around our loved ones in their hour of need.

I hope to post a picture later this week. We are going to wait until Marla has the okay to get out of bed before I take my camera over to the hospital.

Marla is at Presbyterian Hospital of Plano. Many of you know her. She welcomes visitors – just call ahead of time to make sure it is a good time for her and the baby as they need lots of rest.

Thanks again for your prayers!

Prayer for Marla & Catalin

I first met Marla when working at Insight for Living in between school years while teaching at Providence. She was single at the time but talked often about a young man she had met on a mission trip while in Romania. We lost touch for a few years. Then one day in our young married’s Sunday School class in walked Marla and Catalin – married! How exciting to see how the Lord works!

Soon after that, her husband Catalin, my husband Steve and our friend Rusty began meeting once a week for breakfast and a men’s Bible/book study. Though life is busy, these three guys still find the time to get together regularly to encourage and support one another. My husband has grown so much in his faith because of the commitment these guys have to one another.

Here we all are after a day at the pool. (Notice this was taken before Steve and I even had children. That’s how long these guys have been meeting together.)

Yesterday’s lunch was different. The guys met to encourage Catalin as he just informed them earlier this week that Marla had been admitted into the hospital. Marla is 36 weeks pregnant today. Unexpectedly, Marla has developed hypertension. Her elevated blood pressure (and worry over the baby’s lack of growth) was enough to warrant immediate admission into the hospital – where she will stay until the baby is born.

Rusty’s wife Valerie and I visited Marla in the hospital last night and were welcomed to Marla’s room by a neon yellow sign that warned: “Visitors limit your stay to 10 minutes.” It is that serious! I’m sure we overstayed our limit, but what a blessed time we had together.

I was reminded anew about how perfectly God orchestrates our lives. You see, Valerie was in Marla’s position with both of her two girls’ births years ago. Their daughter Hannah was born 6 weeks early. Their second born, Erin, was born early as well. Valerie experienced first-hand the difficulty, fear, and uncertainty that come with finding yourself in the hospital prematurely before the birth of your baby. There are broken dreams of not being able to finish last minute preparations to the nursery and worries about what might go wrong. As Valerie shared her journals with Marla from when she had been hospitalized, I realized how faithful our Lord is. He provided Marla with just the exact encouragement she needed in her time of deepest need. Yes, I could pray with Marla and help to lift her spirits. But, I could not stand there and say, “I know what you are going through.” Valerie could. She was able to give Marla some great tips to help her through this time and a soul embrace that can come only from one who had “been there”. It was a sweet moment.

God is so good to use our past times of struggles and even illness to bring comfort to others when they go through similar trials. Nothing is in vain. Praise God!

Please join us in praying for Marla and for Catalin and their soon to be first-born son. Pray that the little fellow will stay put in his mommy’s womb for as long as possible. Pray for Marla’s blood pressure to return to normal levels. Pray for peace and trust. Pray for comfort. Pray for Catalin as he faces making all those final preparations on his own. Pray for the doctors – that God would guide their hands and their decisions giving them wisdom to know what to do and when to do it. Pray God’s will for this precious family!

You may recognize Marla. I’ve posted about her books in posts past. She is a wonderful author with several books and articles published to date. Perhaps this experience will lead to yet another masterpiece!

To Have Another – Or Not…

So my big life dilemma at the moment is whether or not to have a third child. Steve and I have been praying about it for quite some time and neither or us seem to be guided one way or another. Tonight we asked Stephen Jr. what his thoughts were on the issue and he said he wanted another baby. When asked why, he said, “So we could have a bigger family, and so Alden would have someone to play with.” In his mind I think he thinks if Alden has a baby to play with Daddy will have more time to play with him. Try explaining to a four-almost five year old that it doesn’t work that way…

Perhaps it was the recent arrival of our sweet little nephew Jensen that has moved this delimma from the back burner back to the front burner of my mind. Perhaps it’s the fact that my 30 something years are quickly fading. Perhaps it’s the fact that I just came from a graduation party where the parents were celebrating the very near onset of “the empty nest” stage of their life – and I found myself doing the math in my head to figure out when our time will roll around. Perhaps it’s because one of my best friends here in Texas is sitting on the very same fence with me right now. Who knows? All I know is that I have no peace. No certainty. I’m very much on the fence…just waiting for God to knock me one way or the other.

Both Steve and I can list selfish and unselfish reasons for wanting another child and for not wanting another child. We don’t want to have another baby just because “everyone else is doing it”. We don’t want to NOT have another baby because our current life is comfortable and manageable. No, we want to have or to not have another baby because we feel very much led by the Lord one way or the other. Without that conviction we feel it is irresponsible to throw caution to the wind. Yes, we know the Bible clearly says that “children are a gift from the Lord” and that it calls us to “increase and multiply”. But, unless we’re mistaken, a specific number has never been attached to either of those passages. It doesn’t say, “Children are a gift from the Lord, so you must have 5 or more.” And, I think it’s safe to say that those who have no children are no less blessed than those who have many. They are just blessed differently.

One thing that has influenced my struggle in this area is the fact that I’ve allowed the “quiver full” mindset to breed guilt into my soul regarding the state of my current smaller family. This is wrong. My mother (a very wise woman) gently reminded me that everyone’s situation is different and encouraged me to be free from that stronghold. God calls us all differently. He has a unique plan for each of us. All throughout the Bible are examples of large and small families – both blessed of the Lord. The apostle Paul (as far as I remember) never had children. Jacob had over 12. Isaac had only two. Paul was at peace with his situation – and even considered it a high calling.

That’s all Steve and I want – God’s peace – to know HIS will for our family. His word says something to this affect, “If any of you lacks wisdom, ask of me, and I will give it to you.” So, if you think of it, would you say a prayer on our behalf? Please ask God to show us HIS will for our family and to give us HIS peace in this decision and to show us HIS timing.

A good friend recently told me, “Babies are a miracle.” How true! Here’s our family’s most recent “miracle” – Jensen Duke (my brother Phil and his wife Shari’s new baby boy)!

My New Fav Snack

Okay, so the jury’s out. Not sure this is a healthy snack…but I do believe I’d rather have this than a Snicker’s bar ANYDAY. YUMMMY!

Recipe:
I cup Stonyfield farms strawberry yogurt granola.
1/2 cup fresh fruit (I used strawberries and red grapes)
sprinkling of Archer Farms Fruit granola (Target brand)
sprinkling of chocolate chips.

TRY IT!

Carol’s Flowers

My friend Carol is about as passionate about gardening as I am about photography. She LOVES to learn everything she can about various flowers and how to nurture them so that they flourish and grow. Carol is one of my closest friends here in Texas. She’s the mother of my daughter’s self-proclaimed best friend Jakey (the other being Miss Kenna), and she’s just such a joy to be around.

Carol brought me these flowers from her garden the other day – just because. They brightened my day! Not so much because they were beautiful flowers, but because I knew they were something she was passionate about that she wanted to share with me. Her friendship toward me has been very much like this bouquet of flowers – beautiful, colorful, and fragrant. And just like Carol was able to transform an ordinary Soy Sauce jar (that others may have discarded) into a thing of simple beauty, I always feel the same after my time with her – transformed – more at peace – happier.

My mom and Carol share a passion for gardening. During my mom’s recent visit, their conversation turned to weeding. Carol confessed that weeds in a garden never bother her – that most times she doesn’t even see them. All she sees when she’s out in her garden are the beautiful flowers growing there. Sure, she knows she needs to take care of the threat that the weeds could inflict on her thriving plants, but she doesn’t allow the sight of them to take away from the beauty that is there.

She has always treated me the same way. She always sees my good qualities. She doesn’t waste her breath pointing out what I need to fix. I rarely hear her talk poorly of others either. Instead, like she does with her garden, she spends her energy nurturing me and building me up. She showers me with encouraging words – always making me feel good about myself, helping me to see the beauty that is there.

I may not be a gardener at heart, but I can certainly relate to being passionate about something and wanting that passion to overflow into the lives of others. That’s my goal for my photography. I feel that God has given me a special gift. At times I feel he allows me to see things in ways that others might not. Whether I take a picture for a client or for a family member or friend, I always strive to allow that gift to bless them. I LOVE taking pictures. It brings me joy. It’s my garden, you could say. And, just like Carol loves to share the beauty of her garden with her friends, I love to do the same with my photography for mine.

Had Carol not shared the beauty of her garden with me, the beauty of her God-given gifts and passions would remain a gift for her alone. By sharing a few of her favorite flowers, Carol not only brightened my day, but she allowed me to see a part of who she is – what makes her happy, what she is gifted at, what defines beauty in her eyes. Now that is the true gift! I can only hope that when I share a picture I’ve taken of a friend or family member that they can say the same.

I can honestly say, I don’t recall the names of the flowers Carol cut from her garden that day to include in my bouquet. I wish I did, simply because I know it is important to her. All I remember is a friend who cared enough to make a simple gesture to brighten my day. Thank you, Carol!

I can not end without mentioning one more thing. Carol is a children’s book author as well. She wrote a lovely book called The Christmas House (my underline feature isn’t working…) Order her book here. Her sweet and tender personality ooze off every page. You’ll love it!

No Blame. No Doubts. (for you Mom)

I was talking to my mother this morning, and she had commented on the post I wrote about the importance of a Father’s love. She was telling me that she didn’t realize that my dad had never told me that I was pretty when we were younger. She seemed to remember that maybe he had.

Maybe my dad did tell me I was pretty when I was Alden’s age. What I said is that I don’t remember that he had. Perhaps the tumult of the divorce and the subsequent years we spent alienated from him wiped those memories away. Seems reasonable. My mother wanted to remind me that when we were young our father was loving toward us. He played with us and loved on us. She always said that he was a wonderful father – just a lousy husband. I am sure that is true. But, in my mind you can NOT separate the two. A child needs to know their father loves their mother just as much as they need to know they are loved by their father. How else do they learn what it means to be truly loved? Love can not be one thing for one person and something different for another. That’s what is so remarkable about our Heavenly Father’s love. It is unchanging. It is dependable. It is something you can count on.

During this conversation with my mom I sensed that she somehow felt responsible for my dad’s shortcomings – that she should have reminded him more often to tell me those things. First of all, it is not at all about hearing the words, “You are so pretty!” It’s about feeling that way because you feel valuable to the one who utters the words.

Mom, you need to know that the blame certainly doesn’t fall on you. Haven’t you always taught us that we can not blame others for our shortcomings – no more than they can blame us for theirs – that we are to each take responsibility for our own actions? Mom, you should know that I have nothing but the utmost respect for how you worked so hard to try and make your marriage work – for our sakes. You made so many sacrifices on our behalf. The way I see it, suffering through a strained and abusive marriage for 12 years hardly leaves room (or time) for subtle reminders directed your husband’s way asking him to tell your daughter that she is pretty. Besides, even if he had, it wouldn’t have made a hill of beans of difference. His actions toward you would have made those comments null and void.

My father may have loved me, but since I did not see him loving you, my mother, as he should (and even witnessed him physically and verbally abusing you), it was damn hard for me to trust whatever love he verbally passed on to me. In my young mind I always felt, if you truly loved me you would love my mom and care for her as well. If you truly loved me, you would work hard to provide for our basic needs. If you truly loved me, you would do everything in your power to make sure I felt that way in ever fiber of my being. If you truly loved me, you would face those demons of yours head-on and become the man we need you to be.

Let’s bring it down a notch. A brother tells his sister that he loves her. Then he turns around and grabs her favorite doll and rips it’s head off. I’m thinking the sister isn’t feeling very loved at the moment. You think? Toys are valuable to children – but not anywhere near as valuable to them as the people they love. Mistreat the people who matter to me, and I guarantee you I won’t believe you for a second when you confess your love to me.

One of the things I asked my father when I saw him that day at the funeral was this: “Why didn’t you ever help Mom support us. We lived on food stamps and wore hand-me-downs and never received a penny from you.” His response: “My counselor told me I shouldn’t try to buy my children’s love.” (I apologize if I’ve blogged about this before. I’m feeling like maybe I have.) Was I ever livid! I barked back, “This is what I want you to do. I want you to go and ask that counselor of yours how providing for your children’s basic needs is considered buying their love. You ask him THAT for me, would you?” (I’m thinking that may be the point Phil stepped in and pulled me away.)

I tell you this to make a point. Love without action is not love at all. It doesn’t matter how many times you utter the words, if your actions don’t back that up, you simply will not feel loved. So it is with our heavenly father who in 1 John tells us, “If you love me you will obey my commands.” If you say you love me but turn around and do hurtful things to me and my loved ones, your words don’t mean a thing. A tree that doesn’t bear fruit is not a fruit tree at all. A man who confesses and utters love and yet does not show his love in tangible, concrete, and trustworthy ways – loves NOT. AND…His lack of love is no one’s fault but his own.

Did you hear that mom? His lack of love for us (or his inability to show that love) is NO ONE’S fault BUT HIS OWN! Don’t think that for one minute. I believe your pal Joyce Meyer would probably say something like this right about now: Take that monkey off your back already!

Mom, we love you. We admire you. You are our hero! We understand the hell you went through on our behalf. Just like He has done for me, God has restored for you what the locust has eaten. He’s blessed you (and us) with Max – a true model of godly fatherly (and husbandly) love. It doesn’t get any better than that!

So, I agree, my father may have said those things to me when I was younger. My point in writing about my husband and his interaction with our daughter was not to inflict guilt on anyone, but to highlight how heartfelt his love for Alden was. His love for her is an extension of his love for me. He tells Alden how beautiful she is not just as a commentary on her outer appearance but as a reflection of how he sees her as a person. To him, she is beautiful – a treasure worth holding on to, a treasure worth investing his time and attention into, a treasure he could not live without. And he treats me the same way – which validates for Alden what that word love really means. As she sees her daddy loving his wife, providing for his family, making his family a priority, and backing up his words with heartfelt actions she is left with no doubts about her father’s professed love for her. There’s no room left for doubt in her little heart – not with the tangible love her daddy pours into her and into his family with each passing day.

Kind of reminds me of the love my mother has shown to me each and every day of my life.

Craft Time: Sort of…

I was reading one of my client’s blogs the other day and was impressed to see that she does a daily craft with her two year old. She usually chooses a theme for the week and every day has some sort of craft and activity planned to go along with it. Totally inspired, I recklessly decided, “Heck, I can do that.” (Or, if I’m completely honest I’d admit that I was really responding to that annoying little voice inside my head that was saying, “Come on slacker-mom. You SHOULD do that.”)

The more I thought about it, the more I realized it simply wasn’t going to happen in our family – at least not EVERY day. So, I made a more realistic goal to shoot for one day a week. Stephen and Alden are both home with me on Wednesdays and Fridays, so Wednesday is now theme day/craft day in our home. I decided to steal Mariah’s theme for this Wednesday and made it an Ocean themed day at our home as well. I gathered my ideas from Mariah’s blog and one of her favorite blogs called “No Time for Flash Cards”.

This week I decided our activity would be Walking the Plank. Pirates=planks=ocean
Works for me. I even put Alden in a nautical themed dress. What about Stephen? He dresses himself. Pirates wear black, don’t they?

(Okay, time for another moment of honesty. I have to admit this activity was sort of an afterthought as I was loading the kids in the car and saw Steve’s wood pile out of the corner of my eye. Sure wish I had thought of it BEFORE I had buckled them into their car seats.)

Now, I did have another craft in mind – all planned out actually, but that involved a trip to Hobby Lobby. Remember the car seats? That’s where we were heading. However, when I realized that our trip to the grocery store and Hobby Lobby was going to overlap with lunch time (which needed to happen before Alden’s naptime if we wanted to avoid another wild child up at 10:00 p.m. – AND if we wanted to avoid constant nagging for snacks while we were in the store), I decided to made an impromptu snack they could eat in the car.

Not any snack would do. No sir. (Guilt is a powerful motivator.) Mariah is great at coming up with theme lunches. Just the day before I was admiring the creative snack she made for her daughter recently. She made an octopus out of a hotdog and a fishing pole out of pretzel sticks and peanut butter not to mention goldfish out of pear halves, orange slices, and carrot strips. No, my children’s snack HAD to be special.

Or at least just a little special.

I made my octopus out of string cheese. The eyes are NERDS candy (left over from Halloween, I think.) They had fun digging for treasure (NERDS again) under a bed of fishy crackers. I’ve purged the house (partially..I’m not insane or anything) of sweets lately, so that’s all I could find (suitable for children that I was willing to share) in a pinch. All in all the snack went over pretty well.

My plan for the grocery store was to let Stephen Jr. order shrimp from the seafood counter. (Yeah for seafood sales at Sprouts!) Not only did it fit in with our ocean theme, but it also makes for one happy Daddy as it is the only seafood he is not allergic to. (Am I the queen of multi-tasking, or what!) Stephen Jr. loves placing the order with the butcher.

That other craft I had in mind (sifting for treasure). Yep…that never happened. A million other things side-tracked me during the day. (No wonder my son has a hard time staying on task at school.) But, I do believe all this home-craftiness is rubbing off on Stephen anyway. Yesterday he and Alden pulled out the stack of construction paper and spread it all over the floor. When I asked him to clean it up, he suggested (on his own) that they separate the pieces of paper into different piles by color. NICE! I actually had that activity in the back of my mind to do with Alden some day while Stephen Jr. was at school. But, hey, something’s telling me the lesson was better learned taught by her big brother.

Better Yet….I finally found time to unload the dishwasher while they did it. Maybe this craft stuff isn’t half bad after all.

A Father’s Love Matters

In keeping with my previous post, I wanted to share something that’s been on my heart lately. I’ve noticed recently that whenever Alden puts on a new dress, she runs to find her Daddy (if he’s home at the time anyway). She runs into the room he’s in and stands silently in front of him, doing a little head bob and a shy jig from side to side – looking ever so intently in his direction – just waiting for him to notice her on his own. If he doesn’t notice her right off the bat (Stephen Jr. keeps him pretty occupied playing legos and that can get pretty intense), she says quietly, “Look, Daddy. I’m wearing a dress!” She says no more and waits for his certain reply, “Oh, come here sweet girl. Don’t you look lovely.” She beams at his approval and runs to his arms for a little kiss and a warm hug. It’s super sweet!

Why have I been thinking about this so much? I’m certain it has to do with the fact that I can honestly say that I do not ever remember hearing my own father (my birth father) comment on how pretty I looked when I was Alden’s age – or ever for that matter. In fact, when my parents divorced in the fourth grade, I never even saw my father after that. Not for 15 years. Then when I did see him – at a wedding – he couldn’t face my brothers and I and left without saying a single word to any of us. Two years after that I approached him at a funeral. “Hi,” I said. “I’m Tammy.” To which he responded, “Tammy who.” Seriously. I was the spitten image of my mother, so I knew he was lying. It was abandonment all over again. Let’s just say I had a few words to throw his way that night – which I did – until my brother Phil pulled me away. All I wanted was some sort of apology. I wanted to hear him say that he regretted not keeping in touch with us – that he loved us. I still needed to feel loved by him. That never came.

I tell you this to let you in on why I’ve been so thrilled to hear my daughter talking about how pretty she feels or how thrilled I am when I see her Daddy affirm to her that, indeed she is. There are many times I have to hold the tears back when I see how Steve looks at her and how she looks at him in return. She knows without a doubt that she is his little girl and that he loves her. It melts my heart to know that he loves her with every ounce of who he is and that he doesn’t hold back in showing that love to her. I never knew that growing up when I was her age. As a result I suffered great insecurities growing up. So, my heart swells with joy when I realize that my daughter will never have to suffer those feelings – that she knows without a doubt that her daddy loves her, adores her, and values her. Oh the security that knowledge gives to a little girl. She can move mountains with the power of a father’s love behind her.

Though some of you may think it is indulgent for me to allow my child to talk about herself in that way, I can’t help myself but to allow her to do so. In the Bible it talks about God’s promises to the Israelites. He promises to restore what the locust has eaten. When I see my daughter experiencing the joys of her father’s love for her, I know in my heart that this promise was meant for me as well. I can’t relive my childhood. I can never get back the love that wasn’t given to me. But THANK YOU JESUS that my children have been given what I always longed for.

And somehow, it’s sweeter that way. It’s more fulfilling. God certainly has restored what the locust has eaten. I consider it a gift straight from my heavenly father’s throne to be able to see first hand the love between my children and their father.

And, yes, my sweet Alden. You are beautiful! You are loved. You matter to your mommy. You matter to your daddy. He loves you more than I ever thought it was possible for a daddy to love his little girl. Never forget that.

And, Stephen. Let’s not forget you. We love you more than you know. What a blessing the both of you are to us.

Alden’s New Haircut

For over a year now, I’ve been trying to grow Alden’s bangs out. It just wasn’t happening. She also had a huge chunk of hair that was several inches shorter than the rest, so I finally caved in and grabbed the scissors. It was time! I call it the Suri Cruise bob.

Alden’s bangs may not be as straight as Suri’s, but I did my best considering she wouldn’t sit still. I was so nervous that I’d end up cutting her, so I called it a night.

Bangs or no bangs, I have to agree with my little Alden when she tells me, “Mom, I’m beautiful!” Oddly it sounds very humble when she says it. And…we actually encourage it. “Yes, sweet girl. You are very beautiful. You are so lovely. Mommy and Daddy love you so much. Jesus loves you so much.” We want her to feel that way about herself. We don’t want her to grow up picking herself apart – to just see her flaws. We want her to feel beautiful – to know that her family and her Heavenly Father see her that way.

Of course we balance that encouragement with, “You know what’s even better than being beautiful on the outside, sweetie? Being beautiful on the inside by being kind, and loving, and giving, and honest.” Does she understand what we are trying to teach her? Perhaps not right now. But, as the principal at the school I used to teach at would tell us, “They might not yet understand what you are telling them, but their spirit will.” I do believe that to be true.

And I am beginning to see that inner beauty as well. This Sunday morning as I was walking her down the hall to her Sunday School class, she looks up at me and said, “Mom. I go sing about Jesus! I go see my friends?” She was actually excited. I didn’t realize that she knew that’s what they did in Sunday School. Every night I sing little songs to her at bedtime. The past couple weeks she has started singing along with me – repeating the words after me and sometimes even beating me to the punch. It’s so exciting to see how even the little things can make such a big difference. She’s not just singing “Jesus Loves Me” she’s learning to embrace the fact that He does. It doesn’t get any better than this.

So, I’m curious. First, how do you inspire your children to love themselves? Second, what do you do to teach them about God’s love for them in tangible ways that they understand. And, third, bangs or no bangs?

Visit from Nana

My mom spent her Spring Break with us this past week. We had great fun touring Grapevine, doing a little shopping, going to the Zoo, coloring Easter Eggs (we saved that for her visit even though Easter had already passed), and eating our dinners (a couple of them anyway) out on the patio. We even got massages. The weather was beautiful with rain on only one of the days. It’s always great to have my mom in town. This time it really was way too short. The only thing that would have made her visit better was if Papa were able to join us. We missed you Papa! Thanks for coming, Mom. We look forward to seeing you in a few short weeks at your place.